Head lice. Yep, I’m finally a member of that lucrative club of people who know the pain of head lice. If you haven’t been so lucky to have this nettlesome creature invade your home, but some of your nearest and dearest have, here are a few things NOT to say to them.
- 1.DO. NOT. TELL. ME. ABOUT TEA TREE OIL. I already know. I heard about it before my kids got head lice, and I was not proactive. I did not go to the pharmacy and buy some. I did not put drops of it in my kids’ shampoo. I’m thrilled for you that you had such foresight, and your kids have never had head lice. Congratulations! I, however, am not convinced that it actually works. Should we test it out? How about we get my lice filled child’s head and have her rub it on your child’s lice free head? No? Or how about your child brushes his/her hair with my child’s hair brush? No? Okay then keep your tree tea oil wisdom to yourself.
- 2.Do not tell me that lice like clean hair. Does anyone else think that this is some weird back handed compliment? Like you’re disgusting because you have head lice, but at least you’re clean. This is THE biggest crock. Look at your kid, they’re not clean. They are dirty, grimy, germ filled kids. Their hair has sand, glitter, maple syrup, grass, sometimes gum, in it. Head lice don’t care. They don’t move onto your head, and think “Wow! It’s so cozy and clean here! I’m definitely going to stay here, honey, unpack our bags!” If you told me that lice moved to my daughters head because it’s big, and they found it “roomy” I would likely believe that more than your lame “lice like clean hair” line. You know how I know lice don’t like clean hair? Because I got head lice, and my hair is disgusting. (Also I googled it.) I hardly ever wash my hair, trying that whole “poo” free movement, and “natural oils” thing. I pile the product on my hair, gel, hairspray, creams. Anything that claims to tame the frizzies goes onto my hair, and the lice don’t care. (Hey that rhymes!) They are here to party. They are that little kid that I saw the other day who tried to eat a lollipop he dropped on the floor. It was disgusting, and he didn’t care. Remember those stories of World War 1 and World War II. Soldiers fighting for our freedom. Hunkering down in trenches in the most unsanitary conditions. Dirty, sweaty, muddy, bloody. No hot showers, no shampoo. You know what else ran rampant in the trenches? Head lice. Cuz head lice don’t care!!!!
- 3.Do not tell me what Dr. Oz said to do about head lice. I don’t care what Dr. Oz said to do about head lice. Dr. Oz is crazy. Brought to you by Oprah, who (yep I’m going to say it) is a loon. Oprah brought Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz to the masses. She has her own magazine, and she is the only person on the cover. Every. Single. Month. If that isn’t the epitome of narcissism, I don’t know what is. Every month it’s the same face! Doesn’t anyone else notice this? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills! I invented the piano key necktie- wait what? OMG, I have to go, the Oprah police are at my door. Just a few tips on what not to say to your disgusting lice infested friends.